The Gloves Are Off And The Claws Are Out
That's right, my german professor is going down.
Aside from apparently having a fettish for grammer in every way, shape or form and teaching the class almost exclusivly in English, he has given me a new reason to dispise him.
We got our first test back the other day. I got a 90% not bad I say. Seeing is I stopped listening to him a few weeks ago, one section I didn't read I just filled in the blanks, and to put it simply, I don't care anymore. After he handed back the test he got up in the front of the room and stated loudly "Lauren, Sally" Sally is the very quiet woman who sits next to me, "You two completely bombed the one section of the test. You need to re-do that, and study more."
Fuck you. Fuck you in the ass.
If you have a problems or concerns about me please, talk to me. DON'T ANNOUNCE IT TO THE CLASS!! That is completely uncalled for. I thought Sally was going to die of embarrassment. I, on the other hand, thought I was going to kill him. fuckwit. He also made it a point to later announce that maybe we should get tutoring. Because I got a low A instead of a high A. Or maybe it is because he knows I hate his class.
Either way, as Inigo Montoya from The Princess Bride says "There will be blood tonight!!"
Humbug.
Now I love Christmas, I really do, but not before Thanksgiving. Before Thanksgiving, i don't want to hear or see anything about it. What happened to the days where the Christams season officially started thanksgiving day? Today is September 22. To date I have recieved 3 catalogs advertising christmas decorations, gifts and stocking stuffers. Pottery Barn, Land's End and J. Jill you are on my list for sending out your "Christmas 2004" catalogs in september. Gart Brother's Sports is using Jingle Bells in one of their ads. Cherry Creek orthodontists sent me a post card about how there are only so many shopping days left until christmas.
You all are now on my list.
I mean it's SEPTEMBER!!! What happened to Halloween? Are we just skipping it this year and going right to Christmas?
added: King Soopers at 9th and Corona is selling christmas decorations in the front of the store. Come on!
What Did You Just Say?!
Why is it that you when you get certian songs stuck in your head you feel the need to sing them aloud? And why does this desire increase when it is a song you really shouldn't sing out loud? For example, whenever Nirvana's Rape Me gets into my head, not only does the song stay in my head for days on end, but I always find myself in a position where I feel the need to sing it. And going around singing a song called Rape Me is just asking for trouble.
Same thing happens with Weezer's Pink Triangle. You suddenly find yourself in a crowd of senior citizens singing about falling in love with a lesbian. It's just bad. "Everyone's a little queer, oh can't you be a little straight?" How do you explain to someone why you just said that to them?
Or possibly the worst, just about any song from the South Park movie. But spacifically the "uncle fucker" song. You can't walk through the grocery store singing that!
Damnit. now Rape Me is stuck in my head. It's all down hill from here.
Lauren's Week in Music
Sadness. This is not my week for music. My favorite cd dies, rio. I went to Twist and Shout today to replace it, they were all out, new and used, no longer a river, now it's a lake. On the way home from Twist and Shout I hear that Johnny Ramone has died of cancer, meaning 3 of the Ramones are dead. Ocean people. This is an ocean of tears.
I'm gonna go cry in a corner and listen to some Ramones.
Gabba Gabba Hey
Verdamt noch mal!
I hate my german class. In the 4 weeks I've been going to that class do you know how much german I have learned? NONE!! Do you know how much german I have spoken? NUL!! How much of the class is taught in english? Just about all of it. Do you know how much English grammer I have learned? MORE THEN I EVER CARED TO KNOW!!!
What is wrong with this picture? A german class where I learn more english then german, everything is wrong with it! Argh.
At least the "challenging" reading is in german.
The Day The Music Died
It is a sad day for me. The day I have been dreading has finally arrived. I knew it would happen, I just didn't think it would be so soon. My favorite cd has died.
Please hold while I play a montage of me and my VAST Visual Audio Sensory Theater cd skipping and twirling in a field, laughing at little kids playing baseball in a park, sharing a plate of noodles in a candle lit Italian restaurant, crying in the rain after a fight and eating ice cream on a beach.
We have been through some good times. I remember the day I bought him, 8th grade continuation. Fresh from the ceramony to Twist and Shout. It was beautiful. I remember zoning out for hours on end listing to it and discovering that it is in fact a fantastic cd to put on while falling asleep.
Six years later, thousands of plays later and having traveled all over the world with me. He has died.
Rio. Big fucking river.
My Bank Thinks I'm Retarded
My bank thinks I am retarded. Why else would they send my checks that are a) huge and b) look fraudulent. If you notice in the photo, the checks they sent to me look like the ones given to little kids to teach them about checking accounts.
LOOK AT IT!! What the hell is that? That is like a prize check you give a lottery winner! I have to get a bigger purse! Thank god it didn't come with clowns or kittens or something on it, people would think I stole them from my senile, blind grandmother. Instead they just think I have the mental capacity of a five year old. It doesn't help that, with a check like that I feel you can only fill it out with a big purple crayon while writting with your left hand (or right if you are left handed). Or the Stripper and I decided that you could also use a smelly marker. Then you could get all excited that your check smells like grapes or some such thing. My dad says I should just use lipstick if I really want to go for the crazy lady angle.
But seriously, who would accept a check that looks like that? I strongly believe I could make a less fraudulent looking check on my computer. Hell, I could propbably draw a better one.
But tomorrow I say good bye to the crap checks, at least I hope. I am off to argue with my bank that I am not legally blind and therefore do not need giant Ed McMann checks. The standard size ones will do just fine.
Added later: I took my checks back to the bank. I showed the teller what I had ordered using a babysitting check, then whipped out what I received. His reaction, "What the?" Thats right!! The man at the bank had never seen anything like it. Therefore proving that no one with half a brain would accept a check that looked like that.
You Know You Wish You Were Me
Thats right kids, what I am about to tell you is going to cripple you with envy! So take a moment to ready yourselves. Maybe a few deep soothing breaths, I'll wait.
ok, ready?
My body is in rebellion. It is at war with me. Bad ass right?
See I have this really rockin' cold that started off as a head cold. Its like a day that really sucks, then one or two that aren't bad, then one that really sucks. So I got this great headache in german class the other day and it was totally making me motion sick while reading. So cool. But now it has seemed to moved. So I woke up today feeling like someone was pushing really hard on my chest, actually at the moment I feel fine, with the minor exception that it has totally crippled my vocal abilities. If I talk, it comes out as more of a death rattle. It has also made me incredibly dehydrated. Sweeeeeet.
Now to add to all the fun that illness brings, yoga. Or spacifically the after affects yoga has on someone really out of shape. So my shoulders and one thigh are sore. very. But during the class, was like the only time yesterday I could breathe, so thats good right?
Now, because there were a few areas of me that didn't ache when forced to move, my body decided to fix that. HOORAY!! MENSTRAL CRAMPS!!! HAZZA!! I am seriously like the luckiest girl alive.
But I want to be positive about this. I don't want to whine and complain, that is truely not what I mean to do by posting this. No, I want to learn from the experience. To advance my knowledge in previously uncharted territory for me, at home chemistry. Like, is it ok to take Midol with NyQuil? Can I mix Robatussin with Motrin IB? Can I do a combo of pain reliever, muscle relaxer and cough medicine? What kind of effect will this have on my work performance? As I do indeed have to work tomorrow. Will I see any cool colors? or just sit there limp and dumb? Time will tell.
Well, I am off to the medicine cabinet!
update: My voice. Completely gone. Nothing left.
